High Altitude, Low Hygiene: Sardonic George’s Kilimanjaro Story

Another day stuck up here in my villa in the Seychelles. Raining again. Nothing to do but sort through my photo library—you know, the one documenting my globe-trotting career since 2018. That’s how long I’ve been on this party bus.

Don’t get me wrong, my Humans are decent travel companions. But let’s not pretend—they’re lucky to have me. I'm the star. Just ask them. When I’m strapped to the backpack, whether it’s strutting the Great Wall of China, haggling in the souks of Morocco, or gazing down from the top of the Burj Khalifa, I bring a level of cool they could never dream of pulling off on their own.

Frankly, I carry the whole brand.

Which brings me to my next little story. I’ll be brief, since I know your attention span is roughly the size of a gnat’s TikTok reel.

George on the top of Mount Kilimanjaro

So, there I was—where else? —stuffed in a backpack, trekking to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest free-standing mountain in the world. Was it a grueling climb? Sure. Was it scary? A bit. It's 19,340+ feet in the air, and I did it without oxygen. Was it cold? Not for me. I had my winter fur on. My Humans, though?

Shivering like school kids at a haunted clown parade. Pathetic.

You’ve probably seen their photos and videos from the trek. Very inspirational. But let’s be clear: they only told their side of the story. What didn’t they share? The smell. Ten days, no showers, three of us in one tent. I would’ve traded my left paw for a smudge of burning sage or even a half-functioning car air freshener.

And I know what you're thinking. “Sure, Mount Kilimanjaro—just another tall tale from a washed-up bear with a travel blog.” Well, two things: First, I’m not washed up. I’m water-resistant. Second, ever heard the phrase a picture is worth a thousand dollars? Yeah. That’s my current NFT price on eBay.

They say it’s not the mountain that wears you down, it’s the grimy tent mates and their midnight snoring. Still, I made it to the top. Alone. Unflinching. Unwashed.

So next time you see some TikTok influencer gasping for breath at sea level with a venti latte, remember I summited Kilimanjaro in a stuff sack with zero fanfare.

Makes you think. Maybe I am the hero of this story. Or maybe I just need a new backpack with lumbar support.

George out.

PS. Not that you would care, but if you notice in the photo, I went at least a meter higher then those two, which clearly makes me the better climber. Just saying.